Hooray! Big Brother 7 Kicks Off!

Hooray! All hail the start of this year's Big Brother!

Rumour has it that special Kit Kats on sale from Friday will have 100 Big Brother 'golden tickets'. In a few weeks, one of these tickets will be selected, and the holder will become a new housemate! What a great promotion!
Well, I'm watching the housemates enter, and I can't wait to get to know them:

• Bonnie, 20, Care Worker - the first housemate who got boo'd, fantastic. Self professed sex-vamp.
• Pete, 24, Rock n Roll Singer - has Tourette syndrome, is a clear hit with the crowd and just can't stand still. Definately very odd!
• George, 19, Student - an ex-public school boy, related to a duke of somewhere and has some other important connections. He's bound to nark people off. A sloane-ranger.
• Shahbaz, 37, Unemployed. As camp as a row of tents and easily over excited. 80's throw-back, who can speak Urdu and Punjabi.
• Lea, 35, Model and Body Artist. Implants, nose jobs, lifts, tucks, etc. Was 22 stone, then 6 stone. Wow! Looks great fun. Got a mega booing. She spent £35k on cosmetic surgery! Hates pate.
• Imogen, 23, Bar Hostess. Has a great Welsh accent, top totty! "I do do kinky". My prediction is that she will have a thing with George.
• Mikey, 23, Software Developer and Model. Liverpool lad trying too hard to be contraversion, sexist etc. Probably going to do wonders for the software developers stereotype, definately not a linux beardy.
• Dawn, 38, Exercise Scientist. A real pessimist. Miserable and "never been in love", "I don't want friends", "I don't like people that much". Fantastic. You get what you give Dawn! "Mother Teresa was alright, everybody else are bastards!" She's the founder of a charity group and is the only member.
• Glyn, 18, Lifeguard. Voted sexiest lifeguard in North Wales (alledgedly). "I do go against bullies because there's no need in this world" Hates posh people, happiest person on Earth, so should get on well with George and Dawn then.
• Richard, Waiter. Cowboy hat and aviators. Canadian 'sexual terrorist', and man-eater. Guarenteed to upset George! Can't wait.
• Grace, 20, Dance Teacher. Sloane Ranger. Mum bought her a 340k flat in London. Will form an instant alliance with George.
• Lisa, 27, upholsterer. Loud. "I am original I am mint.", "If you cross me, you will feel my wrath". Speaks Shanghi, lived in China and now lives in Manchester. Smoker. Super glued someone's toes together.
• Sezer, 26, Entrepreneur. London geezer. Rags to riches. City trader. Good to his mum, bought her a £250k house. If he could be an animal, it would be a tiger.
• And, the final housemate is... Nikki, Model and Promo girl. Wants to marry a rich man. Talk talk talk. Looks set to anoy the hell out of everyone. Ok, shut up now. "Everyone loves me! Well, the odd bastard hates me. I think I'm just special." Bunny outfit.